Positively Unpopular

"Shaded by a tree, can't live up to a rose.  All you ever wanted was a sunny place to grow."            - Miranda Lambert


Negativity – The trendy, seemingly common, societal thread that holds everyone together (Especially these days).  It surfaces quickly and rolls off the tongue with downhill ease.  It’s not just a tone.  It’s a mood.  It’s a motto.  It’s our “spirit animal,” to quote the kids.  A mantra slipped silently into our daily routine.  We wear it as comfortably as our favorite, broke-in tee.  We exercise it without thinking – Brushing our teeth in the morning, taking our contacts out at night and filling the gaps with our less-than-sunny dispositions.  Why though?  I mean, forgive my dramatic wordsmithing above (I have a bit of a flare for that) but, I find it very disheartening that we’ve all gone so dark.  Maybe “dark” isn’t the word.  Perhaps “cloudy.”  And speaking for “everyone” probably isn’t fair either.  I’m sure not every single person out there has gone to the cloudy side (Puns?  Puns to lighten the mood anyone?).  I’ll amend to those in my circle – myself included.  Myself probably most of all to be honest.  And, I’ve always considered myself to be a mostly positive person but I’ve been catching myself more and more saying snarky things and making snide remarks and rolling my eyes.  Like when you get a job promotion and all you think about is the added responsibilities that go along with it.  Or someone compliments you on how you look that day and you think, “Oh, what?  Because I look like shit every other day?”  Things like that.  Little things, but when repetitive – a much larger problem.  Thus, bringing us back to our question of “Why?”  This topic has been nagging at me for several days.  I’ve been trying to pin it down, and here’s the thing…

It’s easy.

Being negative is easy.  It requires minimal thought, hardly any skill and zero effort.  The hardest part is pulling your face and skill and thought only come into play if you’re adding in some well-placed sarcasm.  Other than that, negativity is a cakewalk.  Think about it.  Think about the things in your life that irritate you.  Things that drive you absolutely insane and just grate on your every nerve.  It’s a decent sized list, right?  Came to mind pretty quickly, too I assume.  Now think about the things in your life that bring you joy.  Little everyday nuggets of life that bring you happiness and put you in a good mood.  Were those harder to think of?  For most people, I’ve found – They are.  It’s generally much easier to rattle off the negative.  Restaurant reviews are also a prime example.  If you have a fantastic time out to eat some place – I mean the food is good, the service is attentive, the night is just a total hit from start to finish – you are more than likely going to leave that place one hundred percent satisfied and talk about it for days to come.  Now, say you go out to that same place and have the exact opposite experience – Shitty food, non-existent service and a poor time – you are going to get out your phone, Google that place and more than likely post some scathing review about your night.  Just ripping them up and down because you want all who are thinking about eating there to know how big of a shit show that place is.  Right?  It’s a proven service industry fact that people are more likely to fill out guest surveys at the end of a meal if they had a bad experience.  If they have a good experience they just leave satisfied.

Negativity spreads, too.  Quickly.  Ever showed up some place in the world’s best mood only to have your first interaction be with a stressed out boss or an irritated coworker or rude teller or a moody cashier?  Your balloon pops right then and there.  Your sun shining face falls, and before you even realize what’s happened you take on that same disposition.  Then you go someplace else with a blank stare and an annoyed face and what starts as polite small talk from the chick behind the counter is met with your shortened, ruffled remarks and the irritation spreads down the line.  A negativity train my friends, is very hard to stop.

I think that negativity is also perceived as experience, much like wisdom is with age.  You trust it more than you do positivity.  If someone’s being positive, you wonder what’s up.  Are they trying to hide something?  Are they all there?  Positivity equals cluelessness.  It’s for the naïve.  For those who haven’t been hardened by the realities of the harsh, unforgiving world we live in.  Negativity is the weathered old man with the peg leg and kraken tattoo with a rolling glass eye and all the cool stories of the sea and all her adventures.  Positivity is the baby-faced deck hand with glistening eyes who stares at his surroundings like he’s seeing it all for the very first time grinning like a sap and asking millions of questions.  He’s annoying.  Nobody likes positivity.  They’re all gathered around negativity because he’s got all the cool stories.  Negativity is the Fonz, people (Or, Regina George – However you want to look at it).  Positivity is for losers.

It’s easy to fall into negativity’s draw and once you’re in it’s quite comfortable I’ll agree.  But, once you’re comfortable isn’t that when you know that a change needs to be made?  Change tests patience.  It’s frustrating.  It challenges perception.  It ruffles feathers and creates enemies, but it also births great revelations.  It broadens understanding and carves out space for growth and kindness.  Change is difficult and positivity isn’t popular, but when you think back to some of history’s greatest breakthrough moments many prove to be just that – Unpopular ideas that conquered difficulty and emerged as something fantastic.

This weekend, as we soak up all the thankfulness of the holiday, may we also be empowered to take those good vibes and keep their warmth with us and when we find ourselves in those inevitable situations where negativity dominates, may we make a conscious effort to be the positive pulse whose presence – however faint – serves as a light to those who are seeking to make the same change.

New Year, New "Blog"innings

“Regrets collect like old friends here to relive your darkest moments…Shake it out.” – Florence and The Machine


So it begins.  It’s the last day remaining in 2015 and here I sit in an oversized arm chair in the upstairs room of a crossroads coffee shop, gingerbread latte on the red end table next to me with a foamed milk heart floating in it’s steamy center.  For the last couple of months I’ve been struggling to corral my thoughts into a cohesive paragraph and have thus far been wildly unsuccessful.  ‘Today’s the day,’ I thought to myself as I rolled out of bed.  It has to be.  Tomorrow is the first day of the New Year, and if I’m going to officially launch my new year’s resolution it has to be on January 1st.  So, with a gung-ho attitude and the drive only a procrastinator can muster, I sought out the most appropriate location to be alone with a laptop in the corner of the room and collect my thoughts.

I suppose I should clarify a bit.  My New Year’s resolution for 2016 I have decided, is to create and maintain a blog for an entire calendar year.  I did the creating part with the help of Square Space and a patient husband, the maintaining part?  That ball is totally in my court.  I’m equal parts giddy about it and dreading it.  I’ve always entertained the idea of having my own little corner of the internet to fill with thoughts and rants and stories, but the idea of giving myself – to be frank – more shit to do in terms of creating fresh posts and maintaining relevance makes me wonder what I’ve gotten myself into.  It’s kind of like that moment when you join an organization in college to fill the “get involved” quota in your mental success checklist.  You feel good about yourself, but then you have to start volunteering to head up committees and help organize annual events and you think to yourself, “This is way to much time to be spending on something that I’m not even getting PAID to DO.”  Why sign myself up for this at all?  Because it’s a challenge.  It’s something different.  It’s a bump in your daily routine.  To me, it’s what the hype surrounding the New Year is all about, and here’s the thing…

I love the New Year.  It’s easily my favorite holiday.  Waking up on New Years Day is like waking up after you’ve taken the best shower of your life.  Everything is brand new.  Squeaky clean.  Fresh AF (as the kids say now-a-days).  There is nothing that can’t be done.  Treadmills are fired up.  Cigarettes go unlit.  Diets are strictly followed.  Everyone is on his best behavior.  It’s like we all accepted the extra credit assignment and are hell bent on completing it.  All too soon, however things even out.  Attitudes and outlooks return to normal.  Corners get cut and society settles back in to it’s old routine.  But for one day – 24 whole hours – everything is so positive.  It’s beautiful.  People are good.  They’re kind to each other.  Polite.  They go out of their way to do the right thing.  Optimism oozes out of every little corner of the world.  Empowerment abounds and for a time – however brief – disappointment and self-loathing and fear and cruelty are stifled.  All of the negative fades into the background and for a short while our cynicism softens and our inner warmth radiates.  As an inherent believer in the good in people, this makes my soul smile.  For one shining, fleeting moment the gooey center of the hardest of hearts is exposed.  For one day my naive ideal is indulged.

Along with all of this glowing positivity is the time honored tradition of the New Year’s Resolution - an open challenge to yourself to do something new or maybe to stop doing something all together. I talked to a chick one time who said one of her best resolutions was to “sing more.”  No joke.  In the shower, in the car, at work.  Wherever, it didn’t matter.  She just wanted to sing more.  However pointless it may have seemed at the time, as the months went by her disposition became brighter, her attitude toward the ordinary became more positive and she found herself with less “resting bitch face” and more “permanent pleasant face” – a shining testament to the power of smallest of changes, even the seemingly trivial.  If you don’t make them, you’re seriously missing out.  It’s good to shake things up every now and then.  One year my resolution was to wear skinny jeans.  For the longest time I had this complex about my knees.  They curve in and would do my best to hide them.  Skinny jeans pretty much do the opposite.  They highlight every curve and contour.  In a pair of those bad boys there was no hiding.  Over time my confidence grew and now, you know what?  I could care less about my weird, curved knees.  I even wear shorts now.  One year I resolved to read more books.  That year, my husband and I had some of the best conversations discussing plot lines and character flaws and writing styles – it was fantastic.  Another year it was to send birthday cards to friends and family via snail mail (another one of my favorite things that I suppose I can save for another post).  This year I resolved to make a quilt and ended up with not only a warm, snuggly finished product but also the added bonus of quality time spent with my late grandma who inspired the project and my mom who helped me add the finishing touches.

Who knows what the end result of 2016’s resolution will be.  Maybe I discover things about myself through my ramblings.  Maybe my grammar skills improve.  Maybe I increase my vocabulary.  Maybe someone reads one of my posts and finds inspiration to do something great.  Maybe all these posts go unread.  Whatever the outcome may be, I will relish the satisfaction and frustration along the way.  So, here’s to new challenges, new beginnings, and the power of positivity that the New Year brings.  Cheers.