By Faith

“Commendable: Adj. Deserving praise.”  - Google

What does it look like to have commendable faith?  That was the question posed at last night’s church service.  The reading was part of Hebrews chapter eleven which is basically this laundry list of people from the Old Testament that were all put in these intense situations where they were either asked to do these ridiculous or dangerous acts or told that these impossible-sounding things would come true, and these people carried out said acts and clung to those promises with nothing more to go on other than a voice from a dream or the sky or wherever, and just this outrageous sense of trust – this faith – that whatever was asked of them or promised to them would be.  They listened.  They believed.  They did their part.  Some of those individuals had tremendously positive outcomes.  Some were cut in half.  Literally.  Moral of the story?  Not all scenarios had happy endings but, whether the person triumphantly survived or were brutally tortured and killed, both were seen as equally commendable examples of faith – actions worthy of praise and imitation.  Interpretation for the modern world?  Things that are easier said than done.

Faith is – I think – something that people like to talk about without ever having to act upon – with Christians, anyway.  Myself included.  It makes for a good story and puts us in this positive light with the right crowd, but when the time comes for application we don’t even show up for the exam.  We sleep in.  We skip class.  And, it’s not even because we’re hung over from the house party the night before, it’s because we don’t feel like going.  We’d rather just stay in bed in our sweats where we’re comfortable.  I don’t know if it’s because we’re scared of the outcome, or embarrassed to be a part of it, or uninterested in the material, or what.  Perhaps the examples we have to go on seem to have set the bar way too high?  Maybe we feel a bit inferior.  Why try when the record is too hard to beat?  But, here’s the thing…

Faith – much like the people who have it – isn’t perfect.  The examples given in the Old Testament weren’t perfect.  Perfection is impossible.  It’s also not the goal.  I mean, we can’t be what we aren’t.  People have brains and thoughts and emotions.  We aren’t robots.  We ask questions.  We have doubts.  No one should just blindly follow.  We don’t base our decisions on what others think, we base them on what we think.  To come to our own conclusions, our questions and doubts need to be addressed.  Having those doesn’t make us inferior, it makes us human, but the question still remains:  How do we – as doubtful, questioning humans – live lives of commendable faith?  Very carefully?  I mean, I don’t know.

I think if we think of it in terms of the examples in the Old Testament, we’re likely to get lost in the “big-ness” of it.  In America we’re hardly living in a time of religious persecution, so I don’t think we can really grasp things that way.  We can’t draw any parallels.  I think we have to pare it down a bit.  One of the examples given last night was trusting that you are right where you need to be in life, even if parts of it aren’t living up to your expectations, but even then I think we can get tripped up substituting or confusing faith with complacency.  You’re supposed to go with the spiritual flow, right?  But, how do you know when it’s the Holy Spirit leading you or you just telling yourself what you want to hear?  Plus, the whole premise of faith is a tall order, isn’t it?   You aren’t promised an easy life, or a spouse, or a bunch of friends, or lots of children, or lots of money, or a great job the only thing you are promised is that by placing your faith in God as opposed to yourself (which, I feel, is a whole other challenge that could take up a whole blog post itself) – without full understanding of what is to come – you’ll receive an eternal reward.  Right?  Isn’t that the premise of Christianity?  That’s crazy.  And, it’s even crazier if you think about it in terms of those examples in the Old Testament.  Those people had nothing to go on, essentially.  In terms of precedence, Jesus hadn’t come yet to be humanity’s cookie cutter guide to life.  They had no tangible reference to consult.  Isn’t that insane??  That just seems really mind blowing for me.  But, I suppose that’s why it’s referred to as the “mystery of faith.”  I don’t know.  I feel like my thoughts are kind of all over the place, so I apologize if this seems a bit scattered.

I was talking with my friend about this last night and she brought up this movie “Silence.”  It’s about these priests who go to Japan to find this other priest who is rumored to have renounced Christianity.  Anyway, they get over there and essentially these Japanese Christians are being told to deny their faith or be killed and eventually, instead of killing them individually, these guys decide to offer the same ultimatum to one of the priests – deny your faith or X amount of people will be killed.  I don’t want to give away any spoilers but I mean, think about that.  What’s the right answer?  In that situation what is the path of commendable faith?

It’s a learning curve, I guess.  Or, at least, that’s how I see it.  I don’t know.  Something about that message last night just made me take a step back and look at all the different choices I’ve made.  If we’re talking lives “worthy of praise and imitation,” I feel I hardly qualify.  As far as living a life of commendable faith?  I come up a bit short there, as well.  This is how I see it:  Commendable faith requires discernment, which requires affirmation of your own beliefs, which requires confidence, which requires learning the material, which requires taking the initiative.  You can’t just sit around waiting for it to click.  You have to pursue it.  As for the discernment, that’s the beast right there.  Sometimes the answer is so obvious, you don’t even need the multiple choice answers read to you.  You yell out the answer before the teacher is even done reading the question.  Other times you feel like you know the answer but once the choices are given, you aren’t so sure anymore.  More than one answer makes sense and there’s no “Both A and B” choice.  Those are the times when discernment steps in and reveals your questioning, doubtful human intentions or your commendable faith.  I mean, you can’t really have one without the other – questions and faith – but the latter is to be superior to the other.  Right?  I don’t know.  I feel like I’m talking in circles.

Anyway.  I’m not even sure I’ve made a point but, going back to our original question, “What does it look like to have commendable faith?”  Depends on the lens, I suppose.  It could look crazy or convicted, foolish or fully logical but, whether we have the clear picture of events or not, we know the end game.  We just hope our discernment nudges us there.

You Say you Want a Revolution?

“Easy is a refuge, and it’s an easy place to be.” – Needtobreathe

So, here we are – December twenty-ninth – the last Thursday of 2016.  I’m back in my favorite little coffee shop, sipping on a twelve-ounce hazelnut latte (four ounces more than the usual, because – hey – it’s been a while), and ready to compose my final blog post of the year.  The New Year is always one of my favorite holidays and – if you’ll remember correctly – it was the entire reason for firing this thing up in the first place.  Starting a blog was last year’s resolution.  A good handful of friends and family had affirmed my flair for writing and I’d always liked the idea of sharing my thoughts and stories with the internet – even if no one read them.  I figured if someone did happen to stumble upon them and get something out of it, then – mission accomplished.  If not?  Well then I suppose no harm, no foul.  At the end of the day I was still able to compose several well-worded paragraphs of strung-together anecdotes into one cohesive thought – a win in my book.  I mean, if you had a gorgeous voice and sang a beautiful song on an amphitheater stage, would it sound any less gorgeous or beautiful if there were no one in the audience?  No.  Same principles apply.  Even if no one read my posts I would still – to quote my very first post – “relish the satisfaction and frustration along the way.”  And thus, I certainly have.  I promised myself (and you guys, I guess) one post per month and while I didn’t exactly post one each month per se, I did end up making good with twelve posts total, so I’m counting that as promise delivered.  Plus, I’m throwing in this bonus thirteenth post just for fun.  You’re welcome. *wink*

My mom was texting me yesterday morning and among them she asked me what my New Year’s resolution was going to be for 2017.  I told her I was still tossing around a few ideas and wasn’t sure yet.  I’ve run into the same problem that I have in years past – I’ve got too many things that I want to do.  I always get to feeling really ambitious this time of year, so sometimes it’s hard for me to pare my list down which, a lot of people think is weird because they have a hard enough time thinking of one thing they’d consider worthy of resolution status.  I’ve talked to so many people who tell me all the time that resolutions are pointless because nobody follows them anyway and that’s true, I suppose.  A lot of resolutions do go by the wayside because they’re too difficult or the person loses motivation, but sometimes – and, I feel like it’s the case more than folks give credit for – a resolution gets carried out to the end and starts a domino effect of positive changes that carry on into the next year.  Now, I don’t claim to be a persuasive speaker by any means, but if you find yourself to be one of the former – a resolution skeptic – I’m taking it upon myself in the next couple of paragraphs to convince you to switch sides.  You might think that New Years resolutions aren’t for you, but here’s the thing…

They’re for everyone.  And everyone includes you.

The biggest thing for most people, I think is that they’re intimidated by resolutions.  They think they have to be something cosmic and grand, but if you think about it most big changes are just an accumulation of small ones, right?  So, that’s my first bit of advice – Start small.  Send snail mail.  Call your parents once a month.  Practice better posture.  Keep a daily journal.  Finish one of the books you started.  Small bites.  Keep it simple.  I’ve found that it’s usually the less grandiose resolutions that make it the course of the year and end up having the most impact, for that matter.  When it comes to self-revolutions, we all want to change the world, yes?  Well, The Beatles didn’t lie – We can.  We just need to set a realistic starting place.  For example, one year my resolution was to wear skinny jeans.  Over the course of the year that change led to a few new pairs of shoes and tops, which led to adventures in layering and accessorizing, which led to me “bumping” my hair for some reason (back combing my hair, mind you – I did not use those stupid plastic “Bump Its”).  Point being – one small change led to the next.  While I hadn’t set out to change my style, by the end of the year it ended up being a pleasant side effect.  However, if you are looking to make a bigger change you’ll need to implement tip number two – Specifics.

Losing weight is probably one of the most common New Years resolutions of all time ever.  Right?  Want to know why it never works year after year after year?  It’s generic as all get out.  Way too broad.  It encompasses far too many elements.  When you set goals for yourself, it’s always best to be a specific as you can.  Not only do specifics make your resolution more palatable and approachable, they also ensure that you’ll stick to it.  If you’re too generic, you lessen the accountability on yourself and you’re more likely to shrug it off a few months in.  It’s much easier to make excuses for why you didn’t keep to your guidelines when they’re too open for interpretation.  There’s no guilt when you slip up.  Plus, I feel like you care less about whether or not you stick it out, because you didn’t care enough about making it in the first place.  Ya know?  You kind of just threw it out there like, “Well.  I guess I’ll tell myself I’m gonna lose weight again this year because it didn’t work last year.”  Not an effective motivator.  Same goes for your resolution.  Instead of resolving to lose weight, narrow it down to one of the many weight loss contributors – diet, exercise, etc.  Make your house a potato chip free zone.  Try no soda for twelve months (or no alcohol if you’re super ambitious – or crazy).  Resolve to go to the gym once a week.  If you already go to the gym on a regular basis, make it a goal to take a new class, or master an intimidating piece of equipment, or maybe add some weight lifting to your cardio schedule.  Resolve to run a 5K each month!  (I’m actually considering that one, so we could be Resolution Twins.)  Anything goes!  Back in 2011 I wanted to lose weight for my wedding, but instead of making that my New Years resolution, I set a goal for myself to be able run a mile without stopping.  Soon, I graduated from one mile on the treadmill to multiple miles on the sidewalk and that year I had kick started a whole knew active lifestyle.  You know what else happened?  I lost weight.  The whole is equal to the sum of its parts.  (Isn’t that a math or science principal or something?)  Identify your end game, pick one of the elements that will get you there, resolve to stick to it for a whole calendar year and the rest will take care of itself.

My final bit of advice?  Have fun with it.  Consult the bucket list.  What’s something you’ve always wanted to do, or a place you’ve always wanted to visit?  Do it!  Go there!  You have a whole year to make it happen, a whole year to stash away your financial acorns and accumulate your needed amount of time off.  Fly to Europe.  Ride the Amtrak as far east as the rails take it.  Take a week off to be a tourist in your own city, exploring all of its history and hidden gems.  Always wanted to learn a new language?  Learn it!  Interests and passions are some of the strongest motivators.  Maybe you’d rather sharpen a certain set of skills or blow the dust off some old hobbies that got forgotten in your lack of free time.  Fire ‘em back up!  Become a master of your wok.  Take a pottery class.  Start a blog.  *wink*  Pick a passion and go for it.  It can be as casual or extensive as you want.  Think of it like college classes.  Which ones did you tend to get better grades in – Your generals that you only took for the credit hours or the ones that actually focused on things you were interested in?  My guess is the latter, unless you majored in general studies and that was your interest.  For example, while I’ve never been very good at cooking I’ve always had an interest in it.  Baking is more my jam.  But, I’ve always been curious about the different styles and techniques showcased during my frequent Food Network binges.  So, one year – I think it was 2010 – my New Year’s resolution was to host “Gourmet Night” on Sundays at the duplex that my sister and I rented out in Kearney.  At least one Sunday a month we would have friends over to eat the feast we had prepared.  We tried to encompass as many cooking styles as we could.  I burned sesame chicken, hand rolled four different kinds of ravioli, and one of the Sundays ended up staying awake ‘til three in the morning (or some obnoxious hour) making Julia Child’s famous “boeuf bourguignon.”  (Who knew a recipe could require so many steps and so much oven time??)  I still don’t know how to cook that well and it was a challenge at times (I had to throw away two jellyroll pans.  Literally.  Pans in the actual trash.), but it gave me an excuse to have friends over and I got some good stories out of it.  Resolutions don’t always have to be serious.  Sometimes they can be just for fun.

Keep it simple, be specific, and have fun with it.  That’s all it takes, really.

I’ve got a handful of strong contenders for my 2017 resolution and I’m still not sure which one I’ll run with, but one thing I am sure of is that I will run with one.  It’s tradition.  I’ve never not made one for as long as I can remember.  If you’re still on the fence or maybe dismissing the idea of New Years resolutions all together, let me ask you the same thing I asked myself last year when I wavered over starting this blog – What do you have to lose?  New Years resolutions are nothing but tiny steps towards self-improvement or self-happiness, and I see no harm in either.  Refer to the opening quote at the top of this post – “Easy is a refuge, and it’s an easy place to be.”  Easy is not making a resolution because you know you’ll quit halfway through.  Easy is not straying from your life’s cattle trail.  Easy is not wanting to have “another thing to think about.”  Easy is just that – it’s easy.  It’s challenge that sharpens the mind, adversity that creates opportunity, and sometimes a gentle push outside your comfort zone is all it takes to spark an unexpected self-revolution.  Embrace it, my friends!  Close your eyes with your arms spread wide and feel the fanfare that the New Year ushers in!  Soak it up.  Harness the swirling cloud of positivity and fuel some change next year.  Do some good.  Surprise yourself.  After all, what do you have to lose?

Not All Free Time is Freeing

“You got that nine to five, but baby so do I.  So, don’t be thinking I’ll be home and baking apple pies.”  - Meghan Trainor

So, I quit one of my jobs recently, yes?  I casually mentioned it a couple posts ago.  For the past three years I’d been serving and bartending at a place out in KCK.  I worked weekday lunches, so it was essentially my nine to five.  I put in my two weeks towards the end of October and had my last day a couple weeks ago.  I wasn’t unhappy working there, it just took up a lot of my time and cut into my availability for job number two – the radio station – which, I felt, should have been more of a priority than my bartending gig.  So, after much debate I decided to hang up my apron.  Now, I’ll be honest, this next part is going to get a bit long winded, but I assure you it will eventually lead to a point.

So, last week Doug and I were in Vegas for a developer conference and when you’re in Vegas with time to kill while you’re husband is in conference sessions, what do you do?  Eat?  Yes.  Drink?  Obviously.  It’s Vegas.  That’s pretty much the majority of what I did.  A little bit of walking up and down the strip and five dollars worth of gambling, but essentially just eating and drinking.  So, I did my best to get up every morning and go to the hotel fitness center and run off a handful of the previous night’s calories to make room for the ones I would more than likely consume that day.  Well, I recently discovered this running mix feature on my music app that lets you pick a genre of music and then you start running and it detects your pace.  Once it has your pace – mine is 160 (I’m slow.) – it generates this random playlist of songs and weaves them all together, smoothly fading them in and out making this continuous beat to keep you going.  It’s fantastic.  So, I’m using this on the treadmill at the fitness center at the hotel and Ludacris fades out and “Dear Future Husband” by Meghan Trainor starts playing – fading in right at the exact moment she sings the lyrics in the intro quote to this post, and here’s the thing…

Those two lyrical sentences have my name written all over them.

While I do fancy myself a bit of a baker, I place a pretty high value on financial contribution.  Not shaming any stay-at-homers out there, it’s just not for me on a few different levels.  Growing up, my parents always stressed responsibility and hard work – Doing your part.  We were expected to help out around the house – folding laundry, loading and unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the cat’s litter box, making our beds in the morning.  As we aged, their expectations grew – mowing the yard, weeding the garden, sweeping out the garage, vacuuming the house.  When we were old enough to stay at home without a babysitter during summer break mom would leave us lists of things to do while she and dad were at work.  I remember going over it with my sister and putting our initials “B” and “E” next to the chores we wanted and arguing our cases and negotiating on the ones we didn’t want.  We didn’t get an allowance, we just did what was asked because that’s what you do – Your parents make rules and you follow them.  When we were old enough to get part time jobs, mom took us each to the bank to open our first checking account, teaching us to put a portion of our paycheck into our savings and depositing the rest for responsible spending.  We’d get our statements in the mail and every month mom would make us go through it and balance our checkbooks (I hated balancing my checkbook.  Ask anyone.  Mine was always off.), making sure we got them right down to the penny.  If we needed more money for gas to drive to O’Neill (the nearest town with shopping and restaurants and stoplights – civilization in general) and see a movie with friends, we’d pick up extra shifts at work.  That’s just how it was.  Work ethic was very important growing up.

So, for me, the decision to quit a job that provided me with a steady stream of income was kind of a hard decision to make.  Now, it’s not like I was leaving myself jobless – I still have my job at the radio station – but what radio makes up for in experience and connections and the occasional free show now and then it lacks in compensation.  I made significantly more money in tips at the brewery.  You can imagine how that can give a person a bit of a complex.  Taking a person who values contribution and independence and making a dent in both of those – making them less of a contributor and more of a dependent – can kind of make a person feel a bit inferior.  It pokes at my pride a little.  Now, you could argue that the contributions of a radio personality/bartender hardly compete with that of a senior software developer anyway and you’d be right.  Still, it’s the principle of the matter.  Isn’t that what people say?  It’s the fact that I used to spend the majority of my day at work and I now spend it at home.  I used to take a fat stack of cash to the bank every month and now I have a quarter of that direct deposited into my bank account bi-weekly.  I’m not used to it.  It’s limiting.  I feel bad spending money that I’m not making.  When I was bartending, I left with cash in hand so I had no guilt using it on a night out or dinner someplace or coffee – I worked hard for it.  It was like a reward to myself, ya know?  It’s not like I would run around town throwing money all over the place, but I feel like I don’t have the right to do as much spending as I used to or that – if I do go out and spend it – it needs to be on necessities.  It’s a hard mental hurdle to get over.

Aside from that, I’m a creature of two kinds – a social one, and one of habit.  Starting with habit – I need a routine to my day.  I used to get up every morning at seven, shower, have a bowl of cereal, maybe make a pot of coffee and be to work by nine thirty.  My bar reliever came on at four, I’d cash out my remaining tabs and clock out between four thirty and five.  Sometimes I’d stick around for a beer, if not I’d head to the station, record my shift for the night, then it’d be gym, home, dinner and Netflix, head to bed and I’d do it all again the next day.  It might sound laughable, but I had a generous amount of anxiety leading up to my last day knowing that I’d be schedule-less.  The time I spend at the radio station is only a couple of hours a day, past that it’s an “I’ll call you when I need you” type thing.  I fill in when the need arises.  Now, I’m not ragging on free time.  At all.  There’s nothing better than a couple solid days off after an exhausting run of shifts.  I’m just the kind of person that needs the accountability of a daily grind.

As far as my being a social creature goes, I think the loss of that on a daily basis is more difficult to cope with than loss of routine.  It’s one of the reasons I took the job in the first place.  I needed something to do and I needed to be around people.  Not that my own company isn’t pleasant (I’m enjoying it right now, in fact.), I just thrive more around conversation and community.  There are some people out there that can work from home – I can’t.  I embrace the distraction.  I need the dynamic of coworker interactions.  At the radio station my shift starts after everyone has left.  I walk into an empty building, sit in an empty studio and essentially talk to myself.  At the brewery I was around people constantly.  Greeting guests as they walked in, welcoming back regulars, charming my bar top with over exaggerated stories, catching up with coworkers throwing my two cents in on the latest workplace drama.  It was energizing.  I looked forward to it.  It made me feel valued.  Like I had a purpose.  I need that stuff – Conversation.  The company of others.  Maybe it sounds dumb, but I put a lot of stock into that kind of thing.  It keeps my morale up.

My last day was a Wednesday and the next day I flew out to Miami for the weekend, got back and was on the road to Oklahoma City for a week and then boarded a plane bound for Vegas the following Monday.  I just got back to Kansas City three days ago, so things haven’t really set in quite yet.  I’ve essentially just been on a giant vacation.  Yesterday was my first work-less day.  I spent it hanging a generous amount of lighted greenery above most of our doorframes and windows inside the house.  I took a little break to walk to Ace to buy zip ties and then to the post office to buy holiday stamps (My car is in the shop, so my mobility is limited.  Plus, walking kills time).  It was pretty uneventful and – if we’re being completely honest – I already felt a little restless.  I’ve got some fill in time at the station coming up and I’ll be spending a good chunk of time back home with family for Christmas, so I suppose things will be fine then, but once the new year hits – who knows.  In my mind?  I see myself sitting around the house going stir crazy and my mood souring from boredom and lack of socialization.  Is that an overly dramatic generalization?  Perhaps a bit.  But, don’t worry.  I won’t be posting a whole bunch of brooding monologues in the coming weeks.  I tell friends all the time that the only people who get bored are boring people, so I suppose I’ll take my own advice and get creative – Embrace the change, cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Positively Unpopular

"Shaded by a tree, can't live up to a rose.  All you ever wanted was a sunny place to grow."            - Miranda Lambert

Negativity – The trendy, seemingly common, societal thread that holds everyone together (Especially these days).  It surfaces quickly and rolls off the tongue with downhill ease.  It’s not just a tone.  It’s a mood.  It’s a motto.  It’s our “spirit animal,” to quote the kids.  A mantra slipped silently into our daily routine.  We wear it as comfortably as our favorite, broke-in tee.  We exercise it without thinking – Brushing our teeth in the morning, taking our contacts out at night and filling the gaps with our less-than-sunny dispositions.  Why though?  I mean, forgive my dramatic wordsmithing above (I have a bit of a flare for that) but, I find it very disheartening that we’ve all gone so dark.  Maybe “dark” isn’t the word.  Perhaps “cloudy.”  And speaking for “everyone” probably isn’t fair either.  I’m sure not every single person out there has gone to the cloudy side (Puns?  Puns to lighten the mood anyone?).  I’ll amend to those in my circle – myself included.  Myself probably most of all to be honest.  And, I’ve always considered myself to be a mostly positive person but I’ve been catching myself more and more saying snarky things and making snide remarks and rolling my eyes.  Like when you get a job promotion and all you think about is the added responsibilities that go along with it.  Or someone compliments you on how you look that day and you think, “Oh, what?  Because I look like shit every other day?”  Things like that.  Little things, but when repetitive – a much larger problem.  Thus, bringing us back to our question of “Why?”  This topic has been nagging at me for several days.  I’ve been trying to pin it down, and here’s the thing…

It’s easy.

Being negative is easy.  It requires minimal thought, hardly any skill and zero effort.  The hardest part is pulling your face and skill and thought only come into play if you’re adding in some well-placed sarcasm.  Other than that, negativity is a cakewalk.  Think about it.  Think about the things in your life that irritate you.  Things that drive you absolutely insane and just grate on your every nerve.  It’s a decent sized list, right?  Came to mind pretty quickly, too I assume.  Now think about the things in your life that bring you joy.  Little everyday nuggets of life that bring you happiness and put you in a good mood.  Were those harder to think of?  For most people, I’ve found – They are.  It’s generally much easier to rattle off the negative.  Restaurant reviews are also a prime example.  If you have a fantastic time out to eat some place – I mean the food is good, the service is attentive, the night is just a total hit from start to finish – you are more than likely going to leave that place one hundred percent satisfied and talk about it for days to come.  Now, say you go out to that same place and have the exact opposite experience – Shitty food, non-existent service and a poor time – you are going to get out your phone, Google that place and more than likely post some scathing review about your night.  Just ripping them up and down because you want all who are thinking about eating there to know how big of a shit show that place is.  Right?  It’s a proven service industry fact that people are more likely to fill out guest surveys at the end of a meal if they had a bad experience.  If they have a good experience they just leave satisfied.

Negativity spreads, too.  Quickly.  Ever showed up some place in the world’s best mood only to have your first interaction be with a stressed out boss or an irritated coworker or rude teller or a moody cashier?  Your balloon pops right then and there.  Your sun shining face falls, and before you even realize what’s happened you take on that same disposition.  Then you go someplace else with a blank stare and an annoyed face and what starts as polite small talk from the chick behind the counter is met with your shortened, ruffled remarks and the irritation spreads down the line.  A negativity train my friends, is very hard to stop.

I think that negativity is also perceived as experience, much like wisdom is with age.  You trust it more than you do positivity.  If someone’s being positive, you wonder what’s up.  Are they trying to hide something?  Are they all there?  Positivity equals cluelessness.  It’s for the naïve.  For those who haven’t been hardened by the realities of the harsh, unforgiving world we live in.  Negativity is the weathered old man with the peg leg and kraken tattoo with a rolling glass eye and all the cool stories of the sea and all her adventures.  Positivity is the baby-faced deck hand with glistening eyes who stares at his surroundings like he’s seeing it all for the very first time grinning like a sap and asking millions of questions.  He’s annoying.  Nobody likes positivity.  They’re all gathered around negativity because he’s got all the cool stories.  Negativity is the Fonz, people (Or, Regina George – However you want to look at it).  Positivity is for losers.

It’s easy to fall into negativity’s draw and once you’re in it’s quite comfortable I’ll agree.  But, once you’re comfortable isn’t that when you know that a change needs to be made?  Change tests patience.  It’s frustrating.  It challenges perception.  It ruffles feathers and creates enemies, but it also births great revelations.  It broadens understanding and carves out space for growth and kindness.  Change is difficult and positivity isn’t popular, but when you think back to some of history’s greatest breakthrough moments many prove to be just that – Unpopular ideas that conquered difficulty and emerged as something fantastic.

This weekend, as we soak up all the thankfulness of the holiday, may we also be empowered to take those good vibes and keep their warmth with us and when we find ourselves in those inevitable situations where negativity dominates, may we make a conscious effort to be the positive pulse whose presence – however faint – serves as a light to those who are seeking to make the same change.

Hello, Again!

“You will never ‘find’ time for anything.  If you want time, you must make it.”  – Charles Braxton

Hey, guys!  Remember me?  It’s been a while since we’ve done this thing, huh?  My goal of one post per month has kind of dissolved more or less, hasn’t it?  The last time I posted was September 1st, but if I remember correctly I missed August’s post.  So, technically I have a couple of months to make up for in the remaining days of 2016.  I’ll do my best to hold true to my word.  I actually had composed an entire post about a really fantastic show that I went to back in early October, but I could never quite nail down a cohesive final paragraph so that one kind of dropped off my radar.  I’d like to say that I have a really good excuse for my absence, but I’m afraid it’s the same ol’ same that everyone uses – “I’ve just been so busy!”  I always hate when people say that.  It’s like, yeah, yeah.  We’re all busy.  We all have jobs and families and activities and such.  How can a person not find a couple hours one day out of the month to throw a couple paragraphs together and post them to the web?  But, I guess I have no other excuse.  Busy wins.  And, here’s the thing…

I’ve been up to quite a bit since my last post.

I’ve been to a couple of rad concerts, roadtripped through bourbon country, witnessed the last friend wedding of the year (There’s been SIX this year spanning FOUR different states.), took advantage of a last minute, nostalgic weekend back home, quit a part time job of three years, bought a king size bed, hopped a plane to Miami with friends – I mean, I have literally been all over the place lately.  And it’s not slowing down.  This week I’ve got a few days of training for a new job I inadvertently picked up pre-Miami and will be playing lots of catch up at the station.  This weekend we will be home, but after that it’s off to Oklahoma City for a week for Thanksgiving then boarding a flight to Las Vegas for a weeklong tech conference that my husband and a friend are attending.  (Sidebar: It took some heavy convincing from said friend’s wife to get me on board because – to be honest – I really kind of just wanted a quiet week at home with no commitments to hole up in my craft room with a cup of coffee and a YouTube playlist full of cross stich tutorials.  Honestly.  That sounds like heaven.)  Shortly after we arrive back in KC, holiday madness will set in and I’ll be playing afternoon host for two full weeks at the station to fill in for vacationing DJs.  Sometime before the end of the year I’ll need to line up some head shots, proof a demo – which will hopefully be done before too long – then it’s off to Nebraska for a week for Christmas and before you know it – BAM – New Years!  Good Lord, people.  My Google calendar has never been so full!  For real.  Ask Doug.  Usually about this time I sit down to write our annual Christmas letter and start bitching because we haven’t done anything worth writing about and this year it’s like, where do I even start?  In an odd twist I’ve found myself bitching about doing too much stuff instead of the reverse.  I’m sure Doug wants to pull his hair out.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a line to let you know I’m still here.  I have every intention of sticking this thing out ‘til the end.  Nothing profound today, just a quick update.  I’m gonna wrap this one up and head off to day one of new job training.  Which will soon be a whole new blog post in it’s self.  I’m not even sure that I want it.  I’ve been doing a lot of career soul searching these days and am really wanting to take some kind of new direction.  That part time job I mentioned earlier – Putting in my two weeks was actually really hard and I had so many conflicting thoughts about it and it actually was bit emotional.  I’ve been wanting to flesh it out via blog post to share with you guys, but as we all know – Free time’s an evasive bitch.  So, adios for now.  Expect a few rambling career-oriented posts in the coming future.  ‘Til then – Wish me luck!